One Weekiversary

One week ago today.

Sonny became ours.

One week later.

We are learning new things about our little man.

And still figuring him out.

Like what makes him tick?

Is there any food DOESN'T like?

His he left handed or right handed?

But really.

It's only been a week?

It truly feels like he's been ours.

I can't say forever.

But almost.

Today I got a glimpse of what this last week has meant to Sonny.

He had to have his medical examination that is required in order to get his visa.

Only one parent needed to go.

So we decided I would take him and Dan would stay at the hotel with the girls.

Sonny kissed them all goodbye and happily left the room with me.

But then we got on the bus.

And he shut down.

He didn't want me to touch him.

He wouldn't make eye contact with me.

A first since we've met.

He reached into his backpack.

And pulled out a paper crown that we had gotten last week at Burger King.

He put it on.

As if he was putting on his crown of bravery.

Just writing that down makes me so teary eyed.

Because little does he know.

He is so brave.

With or without a crown.

He sat there.

Hands folded.

Staring out the window.

I asked him if he wanted water or a snack.

Without looking at me.

He shook his head no.

It hit me.

He did not like being separated from Dan and the girls.

We have been together almost twenty four hours a day since last Monday.

He was stoic at the medical appointment.

He had to have a blood draw for a tb test.

Parents are not permitted to be with their child during this portion of the examination.

He went with the nurse.

She shut the door and locked it.

I sat there waiting.

And waiting.

For him to come out.

I didn't hear him crying.

The door finally opened.

And they handed him to me.

He was silent.

And sweaty.

His arm was red from where it looked as if the nurses had to hold his arm still.

Most likely looking for a vein.  (Why do all my kids have veins that are so hard to find for blood draws and ivs? Why??)

He let me hold him and console him.

Our group was done and it was time to leave the medical office.

We got outside.

And found a quiet spot to wait for the bus.

He still wouldn't look at me.

The bus finally came and I said.

"Let's go home and see baba and Noelle and Reagan."

He smiled.

He pulled my hand and walked soo fast to the bus.

His whole countenance changed.

Once on the bus.

He wanted his snack

And water.

And me.

I don't know what our little man was thinking was going to happen today.

It breaks my heart to think he thought.

That he might be going back to his orphanage.

Or that I was going to leave him.

So back to what this last week has meant to Sonny.

Mama.

Daddy.

Sisters.

Family.

We are down to just four more days here in China.  Some days it feels as if our time here in China has flown by and other days it seems as if it's been forever since we've been home.  I'm anxious to get home and get back into our routines, get Sonny to his medical and therapy appointments that he'll need, including what looks like many dental appointments....his teeth, yikes.  I'm excited for him to meet all the friends and family at home who can't wait to meet him.  I also know this is our last (For reals... this is really our last adoption trip.) adoption trip to China so I want to take it all in.  So here's to our last four days of China!

He Is

The corridor to the family room, the room you meet your child in, is long and narrow.

Rickety doors line the wall.

Eight families are in our travel group.

As soon as we would hear the door open from the front of the building someone would whisper,  "another one is coming."

We would all run to the door of the family room, look down that corridor and wait to see if it was ours.

We waited for 45 minutes.

Four families had been united with their new little one.

Reagan couldn't take it anymore and basically asked what the rest of us families were wondering......

"When's ours getting here?"

And then someone said those four words.

"Another one is coming."

I walked to the entrance of the room.

Looked down that corridor and waited to see what little face would come around that corner.

And then I saw my boy.

I know it sounds crazy but I secretly worried I wouldn't recognize him.

But the moment I saw those cheeks.

I knew it was my Sonny boy.

His cheeks were so red.

It looked like he had just woken up.

I waited for him to walk the corridor with his nanny.

But then he got about five feet from the family room door and stopped.

His nanny tried to coax him closer to the door.

He wasn't having it.

He pulled back from her clearly not wanting to come closer to me.

I decide to take the plunge.

And I walked out to him.

He pulled harder.  

He didn't like me coming out there.

I asked Dan to go get me his backpack.

His nanny was telling him I was his mama but he was not interested.

When I got the backpack I fumbled around trying to find something to bribe him with.

I found a helicopter Hot Wheel.

He could have cared less.

I grabbed the next thing I could find.

A Troll Pez dispenser I packed at the last minute.

He grabbed it before I could show him it had candy in it.

I contemplated whether or not I should just grab the Pez from his hands.

I felt bad but I snatched it out of his hands anyways.

I just knew if he could see the candy that I might have a chance.

As soon as I showed him the candy.

I had him.

It got a little congested in the hallway as another child had arrived so I went in to pick him up expecting the worst

But the worst didn't happen.

He sat on my lap for the next 30 minutes while we waited for the remaining children to arrive.

He leaned into me.

Gabbed my hand.

His pants were pretty slippery and he kept sliding off my lap.

At one point he grabbed my arms and wanted me to hold him around his waste tighter so he would stop sliding off.

We got on the bus to go back to the hotel and it's as if he hasn't looked back.

The last two days with this sweet boy have been amazing because Sonny is amazing.

He is brave.

He is funny.

He is precious.

He is curious.

He is cautious.

He is a mama's boy.

He.

Is.

A.

Son.

Our Forever Family Day went better than I could have EVER imagined.  I don't know what else to say except that God is good.  So very good.   Our adoption became official yesterday here in China. 

Now we wait for Sonny's passport to be issued.  We should receive it on Friday.  On Saturday we will fly to Guangdong Province where we will do all the US Immigration requirements to get him home next Friday.

I'll Be Waiting

Hey, sweet boy.

It's me.

Mama.

Tomorrow.

Our worlds.

Will.

Collide.

Everything you know.

Every schedule.

Every routine.

Every smell.

Every sound.

Every caretaker.

Will be different.

It will all be.

Forever.

Changed.

Tomorrow marks the day you become mine.

And I become yours.

On paper.

And to the world.

It may seem as if it should be a day of celebration.

Dan and Danae have a new son!

Dang He Ke has a family!

But.

Sweetheart.

To you.

Tomorrow.

May feel nothing like a celebration.

Tomorrow may be scary.

Very scary.

And confusing.

You may be angry.

And sad.

And, sweet boy.

That's okay.

Hopefully soon you'll look me in the eyes.

Probably not tomorrow.

Or the next day.

Or even in the next however many months.

But know that I am waiting.

I want you to be able to look me in the eyes.

And when you do.

I hope that you see.

Love.

And.

Safety.

And hopefully.

Just hopefully.

You'll see.

Me.

Your.

Mama.

It's going to take time.

And, sweetheart.

That's okay.

I'll will be waiting.

Take your time.

I'm all yours.

I'll be waiting.

All my love,
Mama.

Friends, Tomorrow is THE day.  I've prayed for this day since the day we said  yes to Sonny's file.   His entire world changes tomorrow....his entire world. Please pray for Sonny's heart.  We pray that God will have his hand on not only Sonny but our entire family throughout this transition. We pray that Sonny knows in his heart he can trust us.  We also pray that he will allow us to comfort him.  The girls have been absolutely amazing and we pray that they continue to be when this new little man enters their world.  Dan is still sick and getting worse, please pray for healing.

Next post....pictures of Sonny and us!

Just like Kung Fu Panda

I hope you're not too disappointed that there are not beautiful pictures.

Taken from beautifully insane views in this post.

We had every intention of getting up to that first tower today.

We really did.

I mean.

For the last two weeks I had been doing squats daily for today

But we went into this with barely fours of sleep.

And it didn't take long.....

Just ten stairs in Reagan asked.

"Where the easy way?"

We kept stepping.

Stair.

After.

Stair.

But then.

Reagan said the words I was praying she would say.

"I'm done.  I want go back down."

My man being the gentleman that he is.

Told me to take her down.

And that he and Noelle would keep going up.

So we have lots of sitting on stairs pictures.

While sitting there on the steps.

My girl and I discussed some of our deep thoughts about The Great Wall.

Like how the smog didn't look so ugly up here.

It actually gave the place a peaceful vibe.

And as Reagan pointed out.

The Great Wall in person looks just like the wall in Kung Fu Panda.

It wasn't long before Dan and Noelle joined us.

And we did what we Meisters do best.

Broke from the pack.

And did discovery more our speed.

On flat ground.

With no steps.

I'm sure you can imagine what the discovery of these did for this crazy cat lady's heart.

I'm not sure if I'll ever be back to visit the wall so I really did try to take it all in.

But it's good to know that if I'm ever missing it.

I'll always have Kung Fu Panda.


Today was our last day in Beijing.  Tomorrow we leave bright and early to take the train to Henan.  We've never taken the train so this is a new thing for us.  I'm a little nervous as I've heard only horror stories about getting on the train with luggage and small kids.  I've heard it's fend for yourselves and that it's a mad house.  Oh, and let's add that it's still a holiday here so there's that.  And one more thing... our sweet little beauties traveling with us, well, they are proving to be great travelers but they move like sloths crawling in molasses.  I wish I was over exaggerating but I'm not.  Bless their hearts, they just don't have any sense of urgency.  Tomorrow could be very stressful so please pray that we can maneuver our three very heavy suitcases (I tried to pack light, I really did) and slow moving children through the possible madness.

Sonny is spending his last weekend at his home.  Please lift up our little man.  Just two more days until he's ours and we are his.

My China

Today was all about Reagan.

And her China.

She affectionally refers to the foster home that she lived in prior to coming home with us as My China.

New Day Foster Home is the actual name of her China.

They have a saying at New Day.

Love grows here.

Reagan is the poster child for the love that grows there.

She lived there from the ages of three to five.

Dan and I say that New Day saved our little gal's life.

Physically.

But more importantly.

Emotionally.

They provided her much needed heart surgery.

They continually loved on our girl.

Until her heart was emotionally on its way to being healed.

She did not make it easy.

She bit.

She screamed.

She hit.

But they loved on.

And today the girl that is so full of joy?

We give much of the credit for that joy to New Day.

Today started out with her need to get dolled up with make up that I had no idea she packed.

"I want my nannies to see I grow up and wear make up."

We made a compromise with lip gloss.

I was not going to take her out looking like a harlot.

On the drive out there she leaned into me and whispered.

"Mama, I little nervous."

But soon as we pulled in the driveway.

The nerves disappeared

She announced.

"We're here!"

Opened her door before the driver even had turned off the car.

And jumped out of the car as if she was right at home.

It's still a holiday here so many of the staff were gone.

But those that were there remembered Dang Qing Qing.

She heard the words.

You are so beautiful.

And tall.

And happy.

Over and over again.

One of the places that Reagan requested to see was.

The green room.

Her bedroom.

And the preschool room.

Which for me was a tiny bit emotional.

This is the room we first met Reagan.

She wanted to play outside on the playground.

And with the children being kept inside for the time we were there.

She and Noelle had the whole place to herself.

She kept running around yelling.

"I remember this slide!"

"Mama, it's the sandbox I play in!"

"Mama, I remember swinging on this swing!"

She took full advantage of having the trampoline all to herself.

After our tour and Noelle and Reagan's playground time was over, we went in and played with the kids.

(I don't have permission to post any pictures of the children at ND)

Noelle showed Sophie and James how to dribble a basketball.

Dan played cars with Tim and Marcus.

Sweet Alfred and Ronan wanted me just to hold them.

Sweet Alfred is the smartest little two year old I've ever met.

Alfred, you have my heart!

Reagy loved on Ava.

She let me know that Ava was her favorite.

We got to meet Connie.

A sweet little one that we sponsor.

Connie is precious.

And smart.

And oh so brave.

She like my man.

Is also a warrior of kidney cancer.

Her story like many of the children at New Day.

Including our Reagy's.

Is a miracle.

I wasn't sure what to expect today.

I went out there telling myself to not have any expectations and just let it play out.

On our way home Reagy leaned into to me again,

"Mama, I miss my China but I love Merica."

It obviously played out just the way is was meant to.

I may not be able to share pictures of the kiddos.

But I can share pictures of the pets at ND.

Like this one of Dan and Bella.

This goat loved my man!

Friends, thank you for praying for me and the flight over here.  It was totally uneventful, just the way plane ride should be.  We are staying pretty healthy for the most part.  The smog here in Beijing is so bad.  You think it's just really thick fog but then you try and breathe and you just can't.  Dan has been sick since we arrived so please remember him in your prayers.  The girls are enjoying all the Chinese food they can stuff in their mouths.  Tomorrow is the Great Wall and then Sunday it's a train trip to Henan (Sonny' province) and then Monday...Sonny Day!  Only THREE more days!

Please visit New Day's website to learn more about the incredible work they do and meet the precious children in their care.

Prayer Requests

Well.

It's here.

China.

We leave in just a few days.

And I have a few prayer requests.

For our travel.
Please pray that we make all our connections.  That all our luggage will arrive when and where it is supposed to.

Please pray for all of us to stay healthy.
Reagan is recovering from a recent minor ear and nose procedure.  The doctor gave her the green light to travel but she will be on a good amount of medication while in China.  We pray that no side effects arise while in China and that the flights have no impact on her ears and sinuses. 

Dan and I are very prone to migraines when we are stressed.  And well, this an adoption trip so stress is a gimme.  And lots of it.  We're ready to take on the stress but it would be nice to take it on migraine free.

I should also mention, and for those of you who know me well, this is no surprise, I hate flying.  And when I say I hate it.  What I mean is. I. HATE. FLYING. Would you please cover me and my nerves for that million hour plane ride over the ocean?

Please pray for our kids at home.
Bonich, Kanika and Mason will be holding down the fort while we are gone.  We pray that it is an uneventful sixteen days while we are gone... meaning no car accidents, no surprise visits to the er, no unexpected home repairs and again, no car accidents. With those three home alone, it's very likely that any of those scenarios could be a reality.

Please pray for the protection for the hearts of our girls.
Reagy and Noelle are emotionally in a good place and we know they are ready to go back to China, but their hearts are fragile.  A trip like this can have triggers that Dan and I may not see coming.  We will be visiting the foster home that took care of Reagan the two years prior to her coming home with us.  This could bring up feelings that she may not even be aware she has.  Noelle misses China.  She lived there nine years and still loves all things China.  She loves family and America but she may experience grief and anger about having to leave a country that is so heavily imprinted in her heart.  Please pray that we have discernment, the right words if our girls are hurting and can help them walk through whatever emotions and feelings that they may have have.

And last but not least.

Sonny.

Our sweet boy.

His world is about to be turned upside down.  Our prayer is that God has his hand on our little man and that Sonny's heart and mind are prepared as much as possible.  Pray that his remaining days with his friends and nannies are happy ones.  That his heart just knows there is hope and love coming his way in the form of a crazy loud loving family.

Thank you for your prayers.

Support.

Encouragement.

And love.

Sonny

Sonny.

This is just part of the story of finding him.

The story is still being written.

And will be until he becomes ours.

And we become his.

But for now.

This is how the story to him began....


In June 2013 on a sunny afternoon, my man and I sat in the drive thru line at Jack in the Box.

Yes, a fast food drive thru.

I wish it was something more beautiful and inspiring.

Like a vision we had while watching the sunset at the beach.

Or hiking somewhere in the Columbia River Gorge.

But it's us.

So of course it all starts with fast food.

This was just two months after his cancer surgery.

And six months after bringing Noelle home.

I sat in the passenger seat looking out the window.

Afraid to make eye contact with him because I was about to ask him something crazy.

"What if I told you I think we are supposed to go back to China?"

He was silent.

And then I heard him put the car in park.

Right there.

In the drive thru.

I knew he was going to tell me in the nicest way.

Or maybe in the not so nicest way.

That I've lost my mind.

That he's just not on board.

But then he said something.

"Well, I need to tell you something too.  God spoke to me like I haven't heard in a really long time.  He told me that we aren't done.  I don't know if it's China, foster care or where or what, but I know we are not done growing our family."

And there it was.

We both said it.

Us.

Parents.

Again.

Shocked at what we both had just said.

We just looked at each other.

Speechless.

Neither of us not knowing what to say.

The silence was short lived....

"Welcome to Jack in the Box.  Go ahead and place your order."

With the revelation that we knew we would be parents again, we suddenly lost our appetites and confused the drive thru guy with just ordering waters.

August came just a few months later.

And so did the news that his cancer had spread to his spine.

Life spiraled out of control for the next several months.

As my man's cancer spread.

To his lymph nodes.

To his lung.

We only spoke about that drive thru conversation a few times in the following months.

The conversations were mostly about how confused we were.

We both felt it.

We both heard it.

That we weren't done.

But how would we ever bring another child into our family with a daddy who had cancer.

2014 brought new hope with my man's IL-2 cancer treatment.

And then his stroke came along.

And yet.

I still had this feeling I was going to be a mother once again.

My man recovered.

In record time.

The cancer was appearing to be beat.

My man was becoming a survivor.

Then some news came our way.

China had loosened up their criteria.

They were now allowing one parent to have had cancer in the past to adopt.

By this time my man's tumors were basically non-existent.

He was.

Cancer free.

And then we waited.

And waited.

Not sure what direction to go in.

We were so confused.

So very confused.

And so conflicted.

We knew what we heard.

But we were scared.

What if the cancer comes back?

What if the cancer comes back and we have a new little life in our family.

Is that fair to him or her?

But what if it doesn't?

That question kept swirling in my head.

My man confided in me that he kept asking himself the same question.

What if it doesn't?

And we didn't do anything.

What if the cancer doesn't return.

Then what?

It's called living in fear.

And to be honest.

It's how we lived for awhile.

Even when his scans came back clear.

Cancer free.

And the words.

"You're in remission!"

But we kept finding ourselves saying.....

Let's wait for the next scan.

You know, just to be sure.

And then the next scan would come back clear.

But we still found ourselves saying....

Just one more scan and then we'll move forward.

We slowly tiptoed around the world of adoption.

Quietly looking at waiting children.

Seeing if any tugged at our hearts.

Still nervous about moving forward.

Not signing any paperwork with any agency.

Only talking about it with a few friends who knew our fears.

But then.

Just five days into 2016.

I saw a face.

It tugged at my heart.

And it tugged at my man's.

It happened just like that.

I called asking to review his file.

And was told there was a list of families interested in him.

I understood and asked that we be put on the list.

In less than a week.

I got the call that we were at the top.

We were still interested?

Ummm, yes.

He has very severe heart condition.

Were we still interested?

Severe.

Yikes.

But that face.

He had me at that face.

That tiny grin he's trying to show.

Or is he trying to hide it?

Yes, we want to see the file.

Oh, and no pressure but....

"we only have his file for four more days before it needs to be returned to China."

Even better.

Pressure.

I kept refreshing my email while asking myself.

How severe is too severe?

What exactly can we handle?

I finally got the file after waiting an exhausting three minutes.

I could see there were a lot of pictures.

Of a precious face.

But I told myself.

No clicking on pictures until you find his diagnosis.

I scrolled through all the documents.

Looking.

While preparing myself.

And then I found it.

Tetrology of fallot.

The same exact diagnosis as our Reagan.

It is a serious condition.

But once it's repaired.

It can be not so serious.

And guess what?

His was repaired when he was just a few months old.

While he was in the care of Maria's Big House of Hope.

Which he lived in the first three years of his life.

We kept going over all the documents.

Scanning for what we were missing.

Why had no family already committed to this boy?

What was so scary about his file?

I contacted several cardiologists asking if they would please review his file.

I needed someone to interpret all the numbers from his most recent echos.

They all said no.

Apparently HIPAA.

Seriously.

I was told on more than one occasion that HIPAA extends all the way to China.

I was not his parent or guardian.

So the answer was no.

I called international adoption doctors and clinics for a file review.

But there was a two week turn around at best.

And before we knew it.

That four days was here.

His file was to be returned to China.

Without any answers as to exactly what this little boy's current heart condition was.

My man and I felt at peace.

To move forward.

And start the journey.

Of becoming parents once again.

And so here we are.

Please meet our son, Sonny.

Some details about this handsome little guy....
His name is Sonny Heke Daniel.  As much as my man and I love us some Sonny Bono, I'm afraid to say he's not named after the male partner of the great Sonny & Cher duo.  He's named after his late grandpa, Charles "Sonny" Meister.  I never got to meet Sonny's namesake but I am forever grateful  for the amazing job he did raising my man.   

Sonny is currently four years old and will turn five this summer.  And in addition to having the same heart condition as Reagan, he's from the same province, Henan, and orphanage, Luoyang, as her.  We hope to travel sometime late this year, we're guessing around November/December.

Since accepting Sonny's file, I was able to locate an organization, Little Hearts Medical, that reviews cardiac files of children for adoption purposes.  We had them review Sonny's file.  Sonny's repair appears to be stable.  All his numbers look good.  He may have to have a minor follow up or repair when he's a teenager, but all in all, his heart is in good shape.