I found myself crying uncontrollably when he went back for the scan.
I've never just lost it like that in a waiting room.
Especially for just a scan.
I think that these last few months have felt normal.
We haven't had normal in what seems like forever.
For our family, normal is crazy messy chaos but without the stress of cancer looming over us.
I realized these last few months how wonderful normal crazy messy chaos is.
And I've missed it.
Scans change normal.
Scans change routines.
Scans dictate how life is going to move for the next while.
I was being greedy and hoping that there would be no evidence, the words they use for being cancer free.
But last Wednesday wasn't the day to hear those words.
Instead, we got some really good runner up words.
Unremarkable.
And.
Stable.
They aren't growing.
They aren't multiplying.
They're doing what cancer doesn't normally do.
Just hanging out.
Being unremarkable and stable.
But guess what?
That in itself is pretty remarkable.
His treatment is working.
Life for the next three months will be crazy messy chaos.
It will be normal.
Just the way I like it.
What does normal look like for my man? Well, he got back his driving privileges back last month. I felt like I was letting my newly licensed child hit the road. I was pretty nervous the first day he went back to driving the freeway but he assured me it was just like riding a bike. He still has some very minor side effects from the stroke....fine motor, memory and word recollection. He's now on an every three month schedule to monitor what those tumors are doing. Everyday he gets stronger and stronger and is getting back to being the Dan the Man that he was even before the cancer diagnosis.
