Since 2009 when we decided to go on this journey of adoption I have been consumed with all things adoption....research, reading anything attachment related, reading blogs, looking at waiting children, reading more blogs and on and on. I thought the Focus would be on my man and the kids but I've recently realized that the Focus will not only be on them but it's going to be on Him.
It has become very clear that I need to leave blogger-land indefinitely and so I'm signing off and not sure when or if I'll be back.
It's not Noelle. Some of you have asked if everything is okay with her and actually, things are going great. She is thriving. For a child who never knew what it meant to be a part of a family she is doing better than I could have ever imagined. She loves going to school and is a very bright little girl. It's almost been a little too easy. The biggest adjustment has been the relationship between her and Reagan. Those two make me want to drink. Things are much better than they were when we first got home but the relationship between those two will be a work in progress for sometime. We had a surprise diagnosis of spina bifida occulta and rare form of a tethered cord for our Little Miss. Spina bifida, a condition that seriously scared me a month ago. Spina bifida, a condition that we did not mark 'yes' to on our agency's medical conditions list. I guess I shouldn't say we had a surprise diagnosis. We had a feeling that there was more to Noelle's medical than just the scoliosis. There were signs...the repeated word of spine deformity (separate from scoliosis) in her medical file, the fact that she is just so tiny and then there was that little tuft of hair at the base of her spine I saw when she had her first bath in China. About three weeks before we left for China, one of the Yahoo groups that I'm on had two weeks of spina bifida and tethered cord talk. I seriously remember thinking as I was deleting them from my in box, Yikes, I'm so glad I don't have to deal with those conditions. Well, now I do have to deal with those conditions but I'm learning it is and it isn't as scary as I thought it was and that we will get through this. She will be having surgery in May for her tethered cord.
February (which I now call Meduary because of all the medical crap that took place that month) also brought some other medical news that caught Dan and I completely off guard. It's pretty serious and the reason for my signing off.
Dan has been diagnosed with two separate cancers. When the doctor called with the diagnosis of the second one (just seven days after the first diagnosis and one day after Noelle's diagnosis) I literally felt like life was imploding on us. I physically found it hard to breathe when we were listening the doctor tell us that there was one more.
Mind my was racing....
Two separate cancers?
Are you serious?
How?
Why?
Why us?
Why did we bring home three children to a family that will have medical chaos for who knows how long?
What the heck is going on?
Did we do something wrong?
Can I handle this?
What if I can't handle this?
Why, Why, Why?
There were so many questions that I asked in those first few weeks and even still do today but I am Focusing on Him and His word. Both Dan and I are trying to find the purpose in all of this. There has to be a purpose. There just has to be.
The cancers have been found in the early stages. We have been reassured that they are treatable most importantly, they are survivable. Dan starts his road to healing next month.
We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character and character produces hope. Romans 5:3-4
