And the decision is.....

both.  Both kindergarten and preschool.  After weeks of praying, stressing out, losing sleep, consulting with any parent, teacher, all of Reagan's therapists, doctors and anyone that would listen to me, it has been decided that Miss Reagan will go to morning kindergarten or “big school” as she calls it and will also go to preschool, also known as “little school” in the afternoon. 

She will be a busy little gal but we think she can handle it.  Reagan loves to learn and is a proving to be a very inquisitive little girl.  I look forward, albeit a little nervous, to this new school year and watching my little girl grow and learn.

Eleven Years

Eleven years ago today I became a mother for the second time.   The second time around was not as easy as the first time.  Kanika was scared. And she was mad.  We don’t have many pictures that first year of her smiling. 

This one is one of my favorites from our first year with her.   

It was taken nine months after being home on our first trip to the beach with her.  That sweet little girl with the beautiful smile was starting to blossom and let her guard down.

It is hard to believe that the little girl who was crying getting on the plane in Cambodia and was crying getting off the plane here in Portland is that same happy, smiling girl today.

In the last eleven years Kanika has grown up to be a caring, feisty, compassionate, funny and joyful young woman.   And that smile that was so hard to find eleven years ago?  Eleven years later it’s a rare occasion to find her not smiling.

 

Kanika Grace, I love and adore you.  Smiling or not smiling.

Paying it Forward.....

There is another New Day Matching Fundraiser going on out there thanks to a fellow and very grateful New Day Mama.  These funds will go towards New Day’s surgery fund.  There is never a shortage of needed surgeries at New Day. 

She and I both have daughters who were recipients of two heart surgeries each while at New Day.  They were life changing surgeries for our girls.  

Reagan

Emma Lael

Please check out this Mama’s blog to for more information on how you can 'Pay it Forward':
http://onegirlpeacefulandsafe.blogspot.com/2011/07/pay-it-forward.html

There's Just No Escaping....

Her new chapter and my new reality.

I have been slightly distracted for the last two months and have been able to put what is about to take place on the back burner.  Back burner no more.

She’s got her fall class schedule, her dorm room assignment and recently found out who her roommate is.  Other than figuring out what clothes to pack, all that’s left is 30 days.

 

30 days until her new chapter and my new reality.

 

I’m finding it hard to accept this new reality, but let me tell you who is having a very difficult time with this new reality…..this guy.   

  

He loves this girl more than she could ever know.

 

But he and I know she is ready, whether we're ready or not. There's just no escaping it.

Our First Month

We celebrated our one month anniversary today as a Six Pack.  One month ago today, my world change more than I ever could have anticipated.  

June 20, 2011

  

I am not gonna lie.  In the last month there have been many thoughts of:  Why again did we do this?  But lately those thoughts have become more of:  I am so glad we did this again.

Mason Boy:  He is still that ball of energy that he was the first day that we met him, but he is channeling it a lot better…that and we have been told that he’s just a nine year old boy and that’s what nine year old boys are, a ball of energy. 

Most everyone who meets Mason comments on his smile.  He really does have an amazing smile and I’m learning that it is a very sincere smile.  He really does seem genuinely happy to be with us and to be here in the states.  The boy for the most part is a very happy guy and when I look at that smile I feel blessed.  The boy has a story to tell and I am hoping that one day he will share it with me.  He was abandoned at the age of seven.  When we told our social worker what we knew about him during one of our home study visits she said, “Well, he’s going to be angry so be prepared.”  (Thank you, social worker for the heads up and for being so blunt) but she could not be more wrong.  He may very well be angry somewhere deep inside and we are prepared for the day that he lets it out, but for now we are seeing a happy boy who is embracing this new family and life with arms wide open.

Reagan:  Oh my, where do I start?  This girl has become a total Mama’s Girl since arriving home.  Dan says it seems as if she is making up for lost time.  She needs me for everything.  Reagan has had more and more moments in the last few weeks that almost seem toddler like.  Crying over anything and everything that does not go her way.   Yelling "No!" at the top of her lungs in the grocery store when I tell her it's time to get out of the cart.  She can get set off by the littlest things.  She has responded very well to having her bath time taken away as punishment.  The girl loves her bubble baths so not getting one is like her world is ending.  She still gets a bath but instead of sitting in bubbles and playing for thirty minutes she gets to sit in a few inches of water with me washing her and the whole thing is done in less than ten minutes.  It's very unglamorous.

She saw her pediatrician and cardiologist last week.  Both appointments were very encouraging.  Her cardiologist thought that the surgeries in China were done well and at this time he has no concerns about her heart.  This summer she will still keep me busy with all areas of therapy (speech, occupational and physical), hearing specialists and ear, nose and throat doctors. 

Reagan is off the charts smart.  She amazes us with how perceptive she is with all that goes on around her.  She is very sharp witted and her humor can be very mature.  And don’t even get me going on her laugh.  It is simply the best sound.  Anyone who hears it can’t help but laugh or smile.

Bonich and Kanika:  In the last month they and Mason and Reagan have learned to enjoy each other.  In China it was interesting to me that neither Mason nor Reagan would have anything to do with the girls.  Bonich tried so hard to say “hi” to Reagan and be sweet to her but most every time she did, Reagan would slap her in the face.  Mason would often call them each other’s name on purpose.  In the last month, Mason and Reagan have come to learn that Bonich and Kanika are fun.  They help build forts, they can drive them to the park or teach them jumping tricks on the trampoline.  There are more and more moments of sweet sibling bonding.

July 20, 2011

A Mama of her own

   Since getting Mason and Reagan, bedtime has been relatively easy.  When we were in China, which carried over to coming home, Reagan claimed Dan has the one who she wanted to stay with her until she fell asleep and so I would stay with Mason until he fell asleep.  They would both usually be asleep within fifteen to twenty minutes so it was the perfect sleeping arrangement….that is until a few nights ago.  After bedtime prayers a few nights ago Reagan decided she wanted me to lay with her.  Mason wasn’t happy about the change but I felt that if Reagan was asking for me and it was the first time since getting her, I wanted to stay with her.  Mason continued to ask if I could stay with him so Dan and I decided that I would stay with Reagan for twenty minutes and then I would go stay with Mason.  We figured that at least one of the kids would be asleep by then so it would work out.  Not so.

As Reagan and I lay in her bed I showed her on my watch what time I would leave her to go stay with Mason.  Well, I laid there.  The girl was very fidgety and constantly wanting her blankets smoothed out.  She finally started to quiet down and moved closer to me.  I loved the feeling of her wanting to be next to me.  After about ten minutes she finally just snuggled with me and put her arm on my chest.  In my head I was praying she would be asleep within the next ten minutes as I did not want to disrupt this sweet moment we were having.  The ten minutes came and went and Reagan was still awake.  I knew Mason was still waiting for me so I whispered to Reagan that I was going to go see Mason and pointed to my watch.  She shook her head no.  I said yes and that I loved her.  She pulled on my neck and gave me another kiss; the girl was seriously not making this easy.  I got out of her bed and quickly made my way over to Mason’s room.  

Mason was still very much awake and motioned for me to come and tickle his arm, something that I do while I lay with him.  I could hear Reagan start to quietly ask for mama.  Dan heard this and knowing I was doing double duty he went in to check on her.  I could hear her say, “No! Mama.”  I did not want to leave Mason.  I didn’t want him to feel that I was running to her just because she was making noise.  Dan left Reagan’s room when she made it very clear she did not want him there.  She said “Bye bye baba.”  It doesn’t much clearer than that.

As I lay next to Mason waiting to hear his deep breathing that lets me know that he is asleep, I could still hear Reagan asking for me.  It wasn’t a sad cry or a very loud cry.  It was if she was saying mama because she could, she finally had a mama.  And then it hit me.  Reagan is five years and four months old.  She was abandoned at one year and three months old.  For as long as she can remember, Reagan has not had a mama of her own.  I started wondering how often she had called out for mama and no one came.  How often in her short little life had she wanted comfort when being scared or hurt and not having a mama to run to her when she cried out.  Or what about moments of just wanting to snuggle at bedtime and not having a mama there?  Tears started rolling down my cheeks and I told myself to get it together, I did not want Mason to see or hear me crying.  My heart was aching to go in, get her and hold her.  To tell her that mama heard her and will always hear her.  I prayed that Mason would fall asleep quickly. 

I finally heard the sounds of his deep breathing and I knew I could leave.  By that time Reagan’s room was quiet.  I walked in and leaned over her bed, she was asleep.  I so badly wanted to wake her.  I wanted to tell her, “I’m here baby girl, mama heard you.”  I kissed her cheek and stroked her little arm hoping she would wake up so that she would know I was there but she was soundly sleeping.  Realizing she was asleep and she was not going to wake up, I put my hand on her head and prayed.  I prayed that God would give my sweet baby girl the peace of knowing that she has a mama who hears her cries, who will be there to comfort her, who will be there to share in the moments of joy and celebrations and that most of all,  that she would know she forever has a mama of her own.

On our way

We head out tomorrow morning bright and early. 

We have set up a travel journal while in China that can be found at:
http://www.youbelong.net/themeistersinchina



If you need someone or something to pray for during the next two weeks we would love and appreciate any and all prayers you would like to send our way.