Signing Off

As 2013 rolled in I felt that I needed to remove a lot of distractions.  The word Focus was a word that I kept hearing for the new year.  I felt like I needed to get rid of distractions so I slowly pulled out of blogger-land and most all things internet-ish thinking I'll get Focused and be back.


Since 2009 when we decided to go on this journey of adoption I have been consumed with all things adoption....research, reading anything attachment related, reading blogs, looking at waiting children, reading more blogs and on and on.  I thought  the Focus would be on my man and the kids but I've recently realized that the Focus will not only be on them but it's going to be on Him. 

It has become very clear that I need to leave blogger-land indefinitely and so I'm signing off and not sure when or if I'll be back.

It's not Noelle.  Some of you have asked if everything is okay with her and actually, things are going great.  She is thriving.  For a child who never knew what it meant to be a part of a family she is doing better than I could have ever imagined.  She loves going to school and is a very bright little girl.  It's almost been a little too easy.  The biggest adjustment has been the relationship between her and Reagan.  Those two make me want to drink.  Things are much better than they were when we first got home but the relationship between those two will be a work in progress for sometime.  We had a surprise diagnosis of spina bifida occulta and rare form of a tethered cord for our Little Miss.  Spina bifida, a condition that seriously scared me a month ago.  Spina bifida, a condition that we did not mark 'yes' to on our agency's medical conditions list.  I guess I shouldn't say we had a surprise diagnosis.  We had a feeling that there was more to Noelle's medical than just the scoliosis.  There were signs...the repeated word of spine deformity (separate from scoliosis) in her medical file, the fact that she is just so tiny and then there was that little tuft of hair at the base of her spine I saw when she had her first bath in China.  About three weeks before we left for China, one of the Yahoo groups that I'm on had two weeks of spina bifida and tethered cord talk.  I seriously remember thinking as I was deleting them from my in box, Yikes, I'm so glad I don't have to deal with those conditions. Well, now I do have to deal with those conditions but I'm learning it is and it isn't as scary as I thought it was and that we will get through this.  She will be having surgery in May for her tethered cord.

February (which I now call Meduary because of  all the medical crap that took place that month) also brought some other medical news that caught Dan and I completely off guard.  It's pretty serious and the reason for my signing off.

Dan has been diagnosed with two separate cancers.  When the doctor called with the diagnosis of the second one (just seven days after the first diagnosis and one day after Noelle's diagnosis) I literally felt like life was imploding on us.  I physically found it hard to breathe when we were listening the doctor tell us that there was one more. 
Mind my was racing....
Two separate cancers? 
Are you serious? 
How? 
Why?
Why us? 
Why did we bring home three children to a family that will have medical chaos for who knows how long?
What the heck is going on?
Did we do something wrong?
Can I handle this?
What if I can't handle this?
Why, Why, Why?
There were so many questions that I asked in those first few weeks and even still do today but I am Focusing on Him and His word.  Both Dan and I are trying to find the purpose in all of this. There has to be a purpose.  There just has to be.

The cancers have been found in the early stages.  We have been reassured that they are treatable most importantly, they are survivable.  Dan starts his road to healing next month. 

We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character and character produces hope.  Romans 5:3-4

While In China

I'll be using a separate blog for our travels:

http://www.andsowearegoing.blogspot.com/

Would love any prayers that you would like to send our way.

The Countdown

is on.

In just seven days I will meet my new daughter.  Seven days.

After months of requesting an update and not hearing anything it’s been raining Noelle updates from random people.

I found a blog of a family that is adopting a son from the same orphanage as Noelle.  I was scrolling through the posts and stopped when I came to this picture on their blog:

Do you recognize that face?  I just about fell off my chair when I came to this post.  This is her friend Jake.  His family will be traveling to bring him and a new daughter home in January.  Even though Jake will call South Carolina home it will be nice to know that he is only a Skype visit away.

I also came into contact with a family who is currently in China adopting their daughter who is also from Noelle’s orphanage.  They offered to take some photos for me when they went to visit the orphanage.  I wasn’t expecting much but was thrilled when I opened my email and had a ton of photos and even a little bit of video of our Noelle.  The family got to meet her and said she is precious.

And on Friday we finally got an update from our agency.  We had asked five questions and they were all answered:

1)      Did she receive our package?  Yes

2)      Does she know she is being adopted? Yes

3)      Does she have a close or favorite friend?  Yes, her favorite friend is Qin Xi Mei.

4)      What is the best way to calm her down when she is upset?  When she is nervous or scared it is best to hold her.

5)      Who is she closest to?  She is closest to her teacher and caretaker.

Not only is the countdown on for meeting Noelle but the countdown is on for saying goodbye to this crazy duo:

Poor Noelle has no idea what kind of crazy is waiting for her at home.

In just four days I say goodbye to my busy loud little ones.  I already find myself missing them.  Never did I think I would actually miss their loudness but I’ve obviously grown accustom to it.  It’s going to be quiet with only Dan, Noelle and I in China.  With Bonich and Kanika both away at school we’ve gotten into our routines with just our two little ones and life has been fun and normal.

 

Already missing them but ready to meet my new one.

Fall{ing} In Love

To quote an elf from one of the best Christmas movies of all time, 'I'm in love, I'm in love and I don't care who knows it!'

Yes, I'm in love.  Fall has finally arrived.  The leaves are changing, the wind is blowing, the skies are gray and dreary and the days are getting shorter...just the way I love this time of year.  

So between Buddy's quote and the Pinterest pin below, I think you know how I feel about this time of year...

 I'm in love!

Some Catching Up

Wow, I set a new record for myself without even trying...literally.  No  posts in two months.  I've been in a funk.  Not a bad funk just a funk but the funk is gone so let's catch up.

Bonich transferred to TCU at the beginning of August.  The T stands for Texas but it might as well stand for Tanzania because I kinda feel like that's how far away she is.  Reagan went with us to drop Bonich off and it was Reagan who was so very emotional about saying goodbye.  Reagan had been very ornery to Bonich since she came back home from school in May.  She had been so naughty and mean to Bonich over the summer that I actually brought it up to our social worker so I didn't think Reagan would even blink an eye when we said goodbye to Bonich but there in Bonich's dorm room saying goodbye I saw just how much Reagan loved her big sister.  She did not want to leave and wanted to live with Bonich in her "new house."  There were a lot more tears than I expected from Miss Reagan.

While in Texas, Reagan was able to be reunited with some former brothers, sisters and volunteers at a New Day Reunion.  I don't think she remembered many of them but she did seem to remember one of her foster brothers.  She kept going to his family's table while waiting for dinner and I noticed that she was always looking for him if he got out of her sight.

Reagan was able to see a few volunteers from New Day who saw her back when she first arrived at New Day and they were able to see the beautiful transformation that has taken place in our girl's life. It was a great day being able to connect with other families who have been so blessed by New Day.

My Mason Boy turned 10 years old.  We have a bakery in town that makes the most amazing cakes and seeing how much my boy loves himself a hamburger, this seemed like the perfect cake for him.

Less than two weeks after dropping Bonich off it was Kanika's turn to spread her wings and fly but unlike her sister she chose to stay a little closer to home for school.  She's going to a university that is only forty minutes away from us and in the same city where my parents live.  Her nickname is Little One and it was awfully difficult for me to see the young woman that she is today and not Little One when saying goodbye to her.

And here we are already in October.  School and routines are in full gear.  Soccer and dance class are taking over our weekends and before we know it, we will be on our way to China. Yes, we are just waiting on our Article 5 and then travel approval.  We sent a care package to Noelle awhile ago.  Our agency discourages families from using third party companies for their care packages so I was not able to get an update that one can usually get when using a company.  Our last update was in May and I have been hoping for another one.  Based on the measurements that have been on our two last updates we may have a really petite girl waiting for us.  What they have given us would make her almost as small as Reagan and Reagan is very tiny for a 61/2 year old, Noelle is almost 9 years old

May 2012 update

So there you have it...we are all caught up.  I kinda feel like I just wrote a Christmas letter:)  I really do wish I could say it won't be another two months before you hear from me but we all know how I am!

Progress

This week we had progress.

Reagan met with a new speech therapist that I know is going to help her make some big strides in the months to come.  The initial visit involved a speech evaluation.  I wasn't expecting much.  I knew that Reagan's speech had improved in the last year but I had no idea how much progress she had made.

Last August Reagan's speech was that of a 19 month old.  This week she was evaluated at having the speech of a 4 year old.  Can you say major progress?!  I can't put into words how proud I am of her. 

We also saw some progress on the adoption front....

Our LOA arrived.

We Made It

Friends, we did it.  We made it to one year.

It was one year ago today that I became the mother for the third and fourth time.

As our travel group's bus pulled into the civil affairs parking lot our guide got a phone call.  She was told that there were some babies already waiting for their parents.

I was excited to be able to see other parents be united with their children as our previous adoption experiences had only been Dan and I.  But when we entered the building there were no "babies".  There, waiting for their parents, were Mason and Reagan.  I had no time to catch my breath.  And well, one year later I still feel like I'm still trying to catch my breath.

I can't believe that one year has passed.  It  has gone by so fast.  There are days where it's hard to remember what life was like before Mason and Reagan were mine.  It seems like they have always been here.

So where are we at today, one year later?

Mason is still loud like he was on that first day.  Even my parents who have limitless patience ask me if he ever stops talking.  He has put on 18 pounds and grown 4 inches.  His English is near perfect.  If you were to meet him today you would have no idea that he just got here a year ago.  But there are still somethings that just don't translate.  Like telling our social worker at our last home visit that he likes to eat "porn."  I was quick to ask if he meant corn but he got frustrated and said "No, PORN!"  Our social worker smiled and said that somethings just get lost in translation.  No, really?

He has been slow to attach and bond with Dan but the last few months he has come around.  He is without a doubt a Mama's Boy.  He will just start professing his love for me out of the blue.  It is really quite sweet and I love that he loves me but telling the bank teller or the Target cashier can be a bit much.

Mason seems to have a natural ability for sports.  It's been neat to see him go from not knowing what to do with a baseball and mitt to being able to throw harder than most of his teammates and have a swing that some boys have to practice for years to get to.  His normal happy enthusiastic personality also carries over to whatever sport he plays.  From doing cartwheels on the soccer field or grinning ear to ear when called out at bat the boy he seems to never have a bad time.

What has surprised me about Mason:
That he is so genuinely happy.

That he has not made any friends.  His teacher reassures us that he is well liked by his classmates but I often hear about his classmates getting together to play or birthday parties that most of the boys are invited to and Mason has not been invited to any.  With his easy going personality I thought for sure he'd have a lot of friends but as of now that is not the case.  Luckily he does not seem to notice and loved going to school, there was never a day that he did not want to go.

That he has no interest whatsoever in anything Chinese other than Chinese food.

His servant's heart. The boy truly loves to serve others.

At how much he eats.  Let me remind you that the boy has gained 18 pounds in 12 months.

How easily he and Reagan have bonded.  One would never know that the two of them haven't always been together.  They are brother and sister through and through.

That he loves me as much as he does.  I know that may sound crazy but I thought I would be a tougher sell.

Reagan has changed so much in the last year that I don't even know where to begin.

She is still that same happy, ornery, strong willed girl that we met in China but there is so much more joy and confidence in her than even just 6 months ago.  She is finally allowing me to comfort her when she is in physical pain.  When we first got her she never cried at any sort of physical pain.  She would go into a trance like state for a minute or two, shed no tears, would not cry and then it would be over.  I'm not kidding.  It really freaked me out.  We all witnessed it at one time or another.  But she has gradually allowed herself to let me comfort her and will shed tears and reach out for me to hold her.  Today she will cry at the smallest of things and I catch myself getting a little frustrated that she cries at getting hurt so easily but I remind myself of where she was months ago and this is a good thing.

Reagan's speech is coming along.  Slowly but surely it is coming along.  She can say well over one hundred words and her sentences are getting longer by the day.  Just last week she said to me, "Mama, noodles please.  I'm hungry."  Not only was this a lot of words for her but it was clear as a bell.  I could understand all that she said.

Our girl is still quite small.  She weighs 38 pounds and is 42 inches tall.  With her being so small I am able to carry her around quite a bit and I gotta say, I kinda love it.  I'm not looking forward to the day that I can't hold or carry her anymore. 

Reagan's temper tantrums are pretty much gone and she accepts the answer no much easier today.

As a student Reagan loves to learn.  She so desperately wants to read and I look forward to the day that she can.

What has surprised me about Reagan:
How much she loves music.  The girl will ask for music to be turned on so she can dance.  She loves her some Michael Franti.  I think she may have some free spirit hippie in her!

How easily she understands and loves Jesus. I thought it would be more difficult to explain but she gets it.  She loves to carry around her Bible and let people know that Jesus died.  She will say hi to random people and then will just blurt out, "Jesus died".  I love her heart but we really need to work on her approach of spreading the gospel!

How hard she tries at everything (except for cleaning her room).  She tries her very best and puts in so much effort.  Things don't come easy for Reagan but she doesn't let it get her down.  My heart aches seeing her want to be able to tie her shoes and not be able to but she keeps at it and doesn't get frustrated.

How happy she is.  With all that she has been through in her short six years of life she is such a happy little girl.


Two happy kids.  One Year.  We made it.