10

She turns ten today. 

At 3 feet 8 inches tall and 43 pounds, she is the tiniest ten year old I've ever known.

Her size is the only thing small about her.

Everything else about her is large. 

Her smile.

Her stubbornness. 

Her self confidence. 

Her love for hip hop dance.

Her fierceness.

Her eagerness to learn.

Her I can do anything attitude.

Her adventurous spirit.

Her heart for her daddy and I.....although, I think her daddy gets more of her heart than I do and that's okay.

And it's that large heart of hers that that amazes me.

Her first almost 9 years of life she was an orphan.

No mama of her own.

I wondered how it would be she would learn to love.

I underestimated the size of her heart.

She let me in.

She let me love her.

And she loves me back.

Happy Birthday to 

My Oh So Larger than Life
Noelle Hope XiaoXu

The Halfway Mark

The plan calls for 14 doses.

Due to the intense side effects it is not uncommon for a doctor to decide that it is best for a patient to skip a dose or two.

The average patient will receive 7-12 doses.

A small celebration took place this morning as he passed the halfway mark with his 8th dose...and with NO skipped doses might I add.

According to his doctors my man is doing amazingly well.  They are impressed at how well his body is handling the medication.  By now most patients would have had a few doses skipped.  As the days and doses progress so does his discomfort but he is hanging in there like the champ I know and love.

Room 16

He got assigned room 16.

Room 16 is at the very end of the hallway

It's small.

It faces north.

The view leaves much to be desired.

It overlooks a transit center, a parking garage and medical building rooftops.

But of all the rooms he got this one.

As we entered the floor a flood of memories and emotions unloaded on me.

I couldn't stop the tears as we were lead down the hall.

Just 10 months ago my mom was here fighting her own battle.

She fought her fight in room 16.

She won.

In the early darkness of this morning he got his first dose towards winning his.

Yesterday was a hurry up and wait kind of day.  He had several procedures, labs and prep appointments  that went well into the afternoon. He got his first dose at 1:03 am this morning. 

At The Plate

February 26th.

A Tuesday.

He did not have any symptoms.  It was just a routine check due to family history.

The doctor introduced himself even though we had met 5 years ago at his last appointment.

Once the introductions were done, he got right down to business.  His exact words, "I don't like what I see. He's got a tumor the size of a lime in his colon."

And just like that, life as we knew it had changed.

If it had only been colon cancer we wouldn't be where we are today.  Life this last year would have been so different.

A full body scan was ordered and the second tumor was found.

March 7th.

A Thursday.

Tumor on his left kidney.

I could hear the sense of  urgency in the doctor's voice when he called with the results.  I soon learned why.  It wasn't that the colon cancer had spread.  It was a separate cancer, kidney cancer.

Kidney cancer is aggressive and kidney cancer is unpredictable.

It has certainly lived up to its reputation.

August 4th.

A Sunday.

Tumor in his spine.

November 18th.

A Monday.

Kidney cancer in a lymph node.

January 14th.

A Tuesday.

Tumors in his left lung.  Tumors with an s.

Enter Interleukin-2.

IL-2 is his best chance at trying to beat kidney cancer.

His doctor explained what the chances of IL-2 working are.

"When you go on IL-2 it's like playing baseball.  Only you get one chance at bat and here's the deal, when you get up to the plate, you have to hit a home run."

Baseball.

If there is one thing my man knows, it's baseball.   From the ages of nine to eighteen baseball was pretty much his life.  He ate, slept and breathed baseball.  He was even a bit of a superstar back in the day.

He knows what the chances are of hitting a home run with only one time at bat.  Very slim.

But, it has been done.  He told me about Kirk Gibson in the 1988 World Series.  And Scott Hatteburg and Derek Jeter's big hits.  My man says to me, "It's been done.  Why not me?"

February 24th.

A Monday.

My man will step up to the plate.


Daniel will be in the hospital for five days, one week off and then back for five days.  Four to six weeks later he will have another body scan to determine if he hit that home run.  Home run meaning if  the tumors are the same size or smaller.  In the event they are, he will go in for another round.  If the tumors are still growing after treatment we will meet with his oncology team to discuss possible alternative treatments.

Signing Off

As 2013 rolled in I felt that I needed to remove a lot of distractions.  The word Focus was a word that I kept hearing for the new year.  I felt like I needed to get rid of distractions so I slowly pulled out of blogger-land and most all things internet-ish thinking I'll get Focused and be back.


Since 2009 when we decided to go on this journey of adoption I have been consumed with all things adoption....research, reading anything attachment related, reading blogs, looking at waiting children, reading more blogs and on and on.  I thought  the Focus would be on my man and the kids but I've recently realized that the Focus will not only be on them but it's going to be on Him. 

It has become very clear that I need to leave blogger-land indefinitely and so I'm signing off and not sure when or if I'll be back.

It's not Noelle.  Some of you have asked if everything is okay with her and actually, things are going great.  She is thriving.  For a child who never knew what it meant to be a part of a family she is doing better than I could have ever imagined.  She loves going to school and is a very bright little girl.  It's almost been a little too easy.  The biggest adjustment has been the relationship between her and Reagan.  Those two make me want to drink.  Things are much better than they were when we first got home but the relationship between those two will be a work in progress for sometime.  We had a surprise diagnosis of spina bifida occulta and rare form of a tethered cord for our Little Miss.  Spina bifida, a condition that seriously scared me a month ago.  Spina bifida, a condition that we did not mark 'yes' to on our agency's medical conditions list.  I guess I shouldn't say we had a surprise diagnosis.  We had a feeling that there was more to Noelle's medical than just the scoliosis.  There were signs...the repeated word of spine deformity (separate from scoliosis) in her medical file, the fact that she is just so tiny and then there was that little tuft of hair at the base of her spine I saw when she had her first bath in China.  About three weeks before we left for China, one of the Yahoo groups that I'm on had two weeks of spina bifida and tethered cord talk.  I seriously remember thinking as I was deleting them from my in box, Yikes, I'm so glad I don't have to deal with those conditions. Well, now I do have to deal with those conditions but I'm learning it is and it isn't as scary as I thought it was and that we will get through this.  She will be having surgery in May for her tethered cord.

February (which I now call Meduary because of  all the medical crap that took place that month) also brought some other medical news that caught Dan and I completely off guard.  It's pretty serious and the reason for my signing off.

Dan has been diagnosed with two separate cancers.  When the doctor called with the diagnosis of the second one (just seven days after the first diagnosis and one day after Noelle's diagnosis) I literally felt like life was imploding on us.  I physically found it hard to breathe when we were listening the doctor tell us that there was one more. 
Mind my was racing....
Two separate cancers? 
Are you serious? 
How? 
Why?
Why us? 
Why did we bring home three children to a family that will have medical chaos for who knows how long?
What the heck is going on?
Did we do something wrong?
Can I handle this?
What if I can't handle this?
Why, Why, Why?
There were so many questions that I asked in those first few weeks and even still do today but I am Focusing on Him and His word.  Both Dan and I are trying to find the purpose in all of this. There has to be a purpose.  There just has to be.

The cancers have been found in the early stages.  We have been reassured that they are treatable most importantly, they are survivable.  Dan starts his road to healing next month. 

We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character and character produces hope.  Romans 5:3-4

While In China

I'll be using a separate blog for our travels:

http://www.andsowearegoing.blogspot.com/

Would love any prayers that you would like to send our way.

The Countdown

is on.

In just seven days I will meet my new daughter.  Seven days.

After months of requesting an update and not hearing anything it’s been raining Noelle updates from random people.

I found a blog of a family that is adopting a son from the same orphanage as Noelle.  I was scrolling through the posts and stopped when I came to this picture on their blog:

Do you recognize that face?  I just about fell off my chair when I came to this post.  This is her friend Jake.  His family will be traveling to bring him and a new daughter home in January.  Even though Jake will call South Carolina home it will be nice to know that he is only a Skype visit away.

I also came into contact with a family who is currently in China adopting their daughter who is also from Noelle’s orphanage.  They offered to take some photos for me when they went to visit the orphanage.  I wasn’t expecting much but was thrilled when I opened my email and had a ton of photos and even a little bit of video of our Noelle.  The family got to meet her and said she is precious.

And on Friday we finally got an update from our agency.  We had asked five questions and they were all answered:

1)      Did she receive our package?  Yes

2)      Does she know she is being adopted? Yes

3)      Does she have a close or favorite friend?  Yes, her favorite friend is Qin Xi Mei.

4)      What is the best way to calm her down when she is upset?  When she is nervous or scared it is best to hold her.

5)      Who is she closest to?  She is closest to her teacher and caretaker.

Not only is the countdown on for meeting Noelle but the countdown is on for saying goodbye to this crazy duo:

Poor Noelle has no idea what kind of crazy is waiting for her at home.

In just four days I say goodbye to my busy loud little ones.  I already find myself missing them.  Never did I think I would actually miss their loudness but I’ve obviously grown accustom to it.  It’s going to be quiet with only Dan, Noelle and I in China.  With Bonich and Kanika both away at school we’ve gotten into our routines with just our two little ones and life has been fun and normal.

 

Already missing them but ready to meet my new one.